Mind Games

 Mental Health Issues

Mental Health

Each dawn I die

I have suffered from memory loss for years, from putting things down, and forgetting where I left them to blackouts were I miss minutes.

It has got worse since my wife passed away, and the strain caused by knowing scammer Pamela Olsted for several months made things far worse.

I have the feeling her sister is going to attempt to get me to pay her a lot to get my £3,000 repaid, but it isn't going to work this time. I can't afford the money as I live on less than a meal every three days.

If it wasn't for my beautiful friend, Svitlana, in Oxfordshire, I am sure my mental health would have collapsed.

Unfortunately, the after-effect of Pamela, and her sister is I have grown wary of Svitlana, she says she misses me, but though I asked her to leave the dating app we use, she doesn't want to.

I may be doing what I am known for - overthinking - I can't help myself. Svitlana is an attractive lady on a dating app, I can't help thinking she has other male companions.

Alzheimer's Disease Concerns

 Mental Health Concerns

I am losing my memory

Since losing my wife in January, 2025, I have noticed a sharp decline in my mental health, I put it down to nothing more than old age, now I am concerned it could be Alzheimer's Disease. This was my wife's fear, both her mother and grandmother suffered from it at their ends. One of the most noted sufferers was actress Rita Hayworth, during her later years, she didn't recognise anyone.

My wife's mother lived with us in Horfield, Bristol in her last years, and she'd wake up calling for her husband, but he'd passed away years ago.

Mental Health Concerns

 Brain Scans

I can't take another year like this year, if I get one I am concerned I won't last it out.

I am worried so much about my mental health, I booked myself in for a brain scan last year as my dreams were worrying me.

I could do with some Amazon sales, to cheer me up, and give me a little hope for the upcoming year.

Why did I stop writing?

 In discussion with Clara

Mental Health Concerns

Last night, in a chat with my friend in Whitchurch, Bristol, Clara asked me why I stopped writing?

There are several reasons, not all of them I have spoken about.

The most obvious is I didn't consider it worth my time, to spend hours writing a story, I knew nobody wished to read.

The lack of money from sales was a factor, though to a lesser extent than people imagine, I knew it wouldn't pay me as a writer, I only wished for my works to be read.

The fact that lesser writer I knew in the USA, got contracts didn't bother me, it annoyed them that it didn't bother me, as several used to harrass me online for months.

A reason I rarely mention is I had mental health issues writing some of the more weird stories. While writing some of the stories, I could feel myself being drawn into an area I wished not to enter.

If you recall the film Silent Hill, you will remember how two people in the same city saw two different worlds, while standing only metres away from each other, yet they were out of touch. That was the world my mind was entring, I was so concerned, I booked a brain scan

Back to my pre-RAF Lossiemouth days

 R.I.P. Linda

No dairy

In the days since my wife passed away, I have reverted back to the days before I was posted to RAF Lossiemouth, Morayshire, Scotland. While I was stationed there, I got to know some USAAF airmen who introduced me to coffee, before then I was a tea drinker.

Since January, 2025, I have gone back to drinking tea, this has improved my mental health, and as I don't need to take milk with my tea, the change has helped my finances as I am a pensioner.

Cutting coffee out has also helped me control my weight as I don't use as much sugar, and don't eat sugary biscuits. Another factor in my weight loss is changing from cooking with fats, to cooking with oil, often garlic oils as garlic is good for many health reasons.

Scary Times

Tomorrow's World

No money for food

Sister Act

In the last week, my food shortage has become a major issue for my health. The cash shortage caused by sending Pamela Olsted money, means I have nothing to eat for several days a month, a few moments ago, I almost collapsed.

I am hoping this situation will clear soon as her sister "claims" to be willing to send the money I am owed, if this happens my mental health will improve.

I am Cancer free

 Mental Health Concerns

                                                  Samsung Health Awareness

I was scheduled to visit Southmead Hospital later this month, for a final check-up on the cancer I have. A lump was discovered several years ago, on my kidney, which instigated as series of check-ups at Cossham Hospital, thankfully, the appointment is back at Southmead, Cossham is a bind to get to from Hartcliffe.

This is a final check, the lump has not shown signs of growing, I was never worried, I suspected something was wrong as I get a stabbing pain on my right side, occcasionaly. I put it down to a cycling accident when I was 16

Glad all over

 A steady relationship

The True Path of Romance

Granny Friend

I am pleased to say that soon I can put the 8 months I chatted to the SCAMMER Pamela Olsted behind me. In the next week, her sister is planning to clear the debt of £3,000 I am owed.

This money will only ease my standard of living, but it will ease the strain on my mental health.

I didn't take long to get over her because we never had a serious connection, I knew she was lying back in February, when she gave me two addresses in Bristol, within one chat. They are close, by car, but two addresses was suspicious. I kept chatting to see if she would prove me wrong, but she never did.

I am pleased to say, I formed a true friendship with the lady on this post, Svitlana lives in Didcot, Oxfordshire, and we get on well during our online chat sessions.

Unlike Pamela, Svitlana chats, I always had the feeling Pamela was going along with what I said, rather than putting ideas forward to move the chat,

Klondike Annie

 Getting over Pamela Olsted

What do I seek?

Mae West

This weekend will hopefully end my connection with scammer Pamela Olsted. Her sister "claims" to be willing to clear the debt I am owed.

While the ammount is no gold rush, it will relieve my mental health strain after 8 months of worry.

I can't say I will miss Pamela, we never met, and I'd had the feeling she was lying for months, I gave her many opportunities to prove me wrong.

The debt clearance will make it a lot easier for me to chat to, and meet my lady friend, in Didcot, Oxfordshire.

Each dawn I die

 The Invisible man

Vanished

There is a theory which until this year I didn't believe, now I do.

Pyschologists say a sign someone is thinking of suicide begins by cutting themselves off.

As I have no contacts online, nobody would miss me if I went offline. The only contact outside my children I have is with two ladies on Twitter, one in the USA, and the other in the Ukraine. My friend in the Ukraine is concerned about my mental health after losing my wife in January.

My only other friend died in March, I think, Julia lived in Seattle; we had been friends for 13 years before she passed away.

The title of the blog is not only an eye-catcher, it is true, each dawn I die a little more inside

There are times when I question my sanity

 Mental Health Concerns

Pamela Olsted

A strange dynamic

I'd be telling lies if I said the last year has been less than horrorific for me, though the the last two months of knowing Svitlana took some of the nastiness away.

In November of 2026, I was approached by a person calling themselves Clara Kent, who "claimed" to live in Bristol.Her name is Pamela Olsted.From the outset, our online chat appeared strained, she would agree with what i was saying, but never continue the conversation. Not long after we began, I had the impression she wasn't in the UK, but I kept the link, hoping she'd prove me wrong, which she didn't. She lives in Pennsylvania in the USA.

Two months ago, I cut ties with her, a few weeks later her sister contacted me to say Pamela was in hospital, and hadn't eaten for weeks. The sister, then said she would pay off the debt Pamela owed me. From the outset, I considered this another scam. After all, her sister had lied to me for months, why would I believe her?

Two months of stress later, I am still waiting for my refund, and I doubt it will come

Tomorrow's World

If Romance calls

Getting over Pamela Olsted

                                                                                       Sister Act

Hopefully, by tomorrow evening I can be rid of the stench of Pamela Olsted aka Clara Kent.

Her sister has said, she will pay off Pamela's debts. I won't lie, having that money back WILL make a big improvement in both my mental health state, and my finances. For the first time since November, we can eat each week, as I was sending the money, we had to go a week without food.

It has taken months for me to regain the trust of my children, they told me she was a SCAMMER, and I had the feeling too, but I was willling to give her the opportunity to prove me wrong, which she never did.

What will I do?

 Mental Health Concerns

My Worrying time is yet to come

For now, I am too busy to have time to think about my wife with getting the house prepared for a series of inspections when I take over the tenancy next week, but what after that?

There are days, when even a short break from work causes me to sit in tears, today was one of the worst days since my darling passed. Instead of celebrating her 69th birthday, we spent an hour where her ashes were laid.

I used to lose myself in my writing to escape, what is the point in writing a story, if you know nobody will read it?

As a finale to my writing, I sent a request to a literary agent in London two weeks ago, don't hold your breath for success, I am expecting another rejection

Dreamcatcher

 Intimate photos

                                                               Explicit sex

I appear to have become a dreamcatcher among my older lady friends online. Many send me intimate photos of themselves, without being asked, I would never ask for that type of photograph, no matter how close the friendship became.

Some men may find that situation a threat, as they think being the man, they should be in control. I have never thought of a relationship that way. To my thinking, the best way for any relationship to flourish is if both partners feel free to discuss their desires.

On the flip side

I have become part of a young girl's fantasy, this isn't the first time this type of fantasy has become attached to me. The scenario she describes is typical of young girl over an older man.

I like being part of an an older lady's fantasy, this type of fixation is unhealthy. The girls involved in the previous incidents turned out to have mental health problems.

Sister Act 2

 Sister Act

Getting over Pamela

                                          Action Stations!!!!

The young lady who "claims" to be the sister of scammer Pamela Olsted, is asking for £20 bank charges to send my money. 

I don't turst her, her sister lied to my for several months, why should I give her the benefit of the doubt? You may think this hard, on a lady who may be genuine, but I paid out close to £3,000, lost the respect of my children for months, and have no money for food.

Also, the months of worry have played havoc with my mental health

My Struggle with Addiction

Health Foods

                                                   Good for Cooking

 My addiction is for seaweed, I love to eat it either raw, or use it in some of my cooking. I do find it is helping my mental, and physical health. I appreciate this additive may no be to everyone's taste, but seaweed is a good source of Iodine.