Mind Games

 Mental Health Issues

Mental Health

Each dawn I die

I have suffered from memory loss for years, from putting things down, and forgetting where I left them to blackouts were I miss minutes.

It has got worse since my wife passed away, and the strain caused by knowing scammer Pamela Olsted for several months made things far worse.

I have the feeling her sister is going to attempt to get me to pay her a lot to get my £3,000 repaid, but it isn't going to work this time. I can't afford the money as I live on less than a meal every three days.

If it wasn't for my beautiful friend, Svitlana, in Oxfordshire, I am sure my mental health would have collapsed by now

The Lady Eve

 Barbara Stanwyck

Anna May Wong

Iconic Films

The film I ended yesterday with was the rom-com The Lady Eve, featuring Barbara Stanwyck, and Henry Fonda.The story is about a trio of card players, who try to con a millionaire out of his money, only for Ms. Stanwyck to fall for Henty Fonda

Hell Harbour

Lupe Velez

Buenos Dias Mexico

!s that Madonna?

Hell Harbour is a 1930's romance, featuring the Mexican Sptfire, Lupe Velez. The film is the story of a young girl trying yo avoid a "marriage of convience," by escaping to Havana, Cuba, and falling for a sea captian

Have I missed chatting to Pamela aka Clara?

Pamela Olsted 

Something good from my time with Clara

Svitlana

It has been a month since I stopped chatting to a lady who "claimed" to live in Whitchurch, Bristol, not far from where I am in Hartcliffe.

I had long considered her a scammer, at least once a month, she'd ask for money for "car repairs," then there was bus money.

The answer to the question is No, I do not miss chatting to the lady.

The best thing which came from that time is I added my profile to two mature dating apps, and the lady above, who lives in Oxfordshire, contacted me.

Svitlana and I hope to turn our online friendship into the relationship that the other lady "claimed" to want.

Tomorrow's World

If Romance calls

Getting over Pamela Olsted

                                                                                       Sister Act

Hopefully, by tomorrow evening I can be rid of the stench of Pamela Olsted aka Clara Kent.

Her sister has said, she will pay off Pamela's debts. I won't lie, having that money back WILL make a big improvement in both my mental health state, and my finances. For the first time since November, we can eat each week, as I was sending the money, we had to go a week without food.

It has taken months for me to regain the trust of my children, they told me she was a SCAMMER, and I had the feeling too, but I was willling to give her the opportunity to prove me wrong, which she never did.

In discussion with Svitlana

Not all chats are about sex

A new direction

A Sailor's Love

Though our online chats include sex, some nights, Svitlana and I chat about our interests. Last night, among other topics, we shared stories about fishing, as our grandfathers were fishermen.

Svitlana's grandfather fished in the waters off the coast of the Ukraine, while mine fished in the North Sea, we also discussed the Crab Stick fraud. The so-called crab sticks, contain NO crab, having tasted crab I could tell that. They are made from Pollack, a fish in the Cod family found off the coast of New Foundland.

My romance - A Sailor's Love - is a modern romance with elements of spirituality, romance, and environmental concerns about the erosion of the coast.

The south coast of the UK is getting smaller, the coast is made from chalk, and over time, it has been eroded. One developer started to build a hotel near the coast, only to find the site was undermined by caves

The New Age of Alan

The Great Depression

I should be grateful

How long will it be before my Depression will overcome me?

The emotional strain of knowing, SCAMMER, Pamela Olsted was easy to get over, we had not met, and I knew we wouldn't meet, long before I cut her from my life.

The financial damage however, is taking a great toll on my health, I have no money for food for two weeks of the month.

Her sister has said, she wishes to re-pay the money for helping out Pamela, I take that with a large dose of salt.

It didn't take long before the emotional scars healed over, and I moved on. I wasn't seeking another romance, after my wife passed away I decided I was too old for a lady to consider me. I was proven wrong, a lady living in Didcot, Oxfordshire, has taken to me.

Svitlana is five years older than me, and wishes to meet and form a friendship, we hope to change into a relationship.

The Poor Relative

The Cold Facts

Sister Act

Meeting Svitlana

The time and money I spent with Pamela Olsted has raised questions of my insecurity.

I am wondering if lady I love, Svitlana, considers me "the poor relative?" While she, and I, wish for a long chat, I am forced, after giving PO such a lot of money, to keep cutting our chats to save credit for tomorrow.

This could be my insecrities playing mind games, but they do have a good point. I do wonder if Svitlana is "out of my league."

The Eclipse of Alan

                                              Ruby Wedding Anniversary

Happy Anniversary

Would I re-marry?

This weekend should have been a joyous family occasion, my Ruby Wedding Anniversary, 40 years. However, my wife died in January, 2025, so this will be my second anniversary without her 😢😢. 

She would have wished me to go on with my life, and not mourn her for all the time I have left. The children have said they have no objection to me having another lady friend, they know no lady can replace my lovely Linda.

I may go offline for the weekend to mourn the day.

I think I may have found another lady friend, or to be exact, Svitlana found me, as I wasn't after romance at the time she contacted me on SoulmateMeets.

I added my profile to the site, to see if ladies liked me, as I never saw myself as attractive to them. The response was amazing, whethe it was because I was new to the site, or genuine interest in me, I was deluged by requests from mature ladies asking to meet me, and several expressed a desire to have sex with me.

Despite hundreds of requests, the lady I am interested in is Svitlana. We get on well during our limited chats on Charming Talks, and are looking to meeting soon. I hadn't thought of re-marrying, but if Svitlana asked, it is something to talk about

Online Chat rooms

The Dangers of being an Introvert 

I never considered myself attractive

I never see myself as ladies see me

The main risk of being an introvert like me is you have to rely on online chat rooms to make contact, as I found out with Pamela Olsted aka Clara Kent, this can leave you vulnerable to scammers. Most people online are genuine I have found out.

My problem was until last month, July 2026, I never considered myself as attractive to ladies, adding my profile to two mature dating apps changed my view, if not my outlook of myself. I am still unsure of my appeal

No money for food

Sister Act

The Cold Hard Facts

                                                  In discussion with Clara

Knowing Pamela Olsted aka Clara Kent left me without money for food and bills this week. This is the price I pay for helping a lady I thought wished to meet me, and form a relationship. According to her sister, Pamela has been ill since I stopped chatting to her at the end of June, considering she, Pamela, admitted to telling me lies for several months, I am taking this with a large dose of salt.

A Record Breaker

A Thriving Blog

Where are the UK readers?

Why Struggle?

While readers in the Seychelles, and the USA cause the blog to thrive, absent, as usual are readers in the UK. The UK had so few readers yesterday it didn't register in the Google statistics which stopped at 120 readers

Japan were doomed

 Pearl Harbour

War in the Pacific

                                       The Land of the Rising Sun

From the moment Japan attacked Pearl Harbour, they were doomed. Admiral Yamamoto who planned the raid gave them only six months, before their success ended.

Many people say they wanted to occupy the Pacific Coast, but they didn't have the men, machines or fuel to do such a huge task.

Take the scenario on. Japan keeps Malaya for rubber, Indonesia for oil, how do they plan to carry the goods back to Japan, and keep the Allies at bay?

The logistics of such a plan are too immense for a small country like Japan to consider. Once the USA entered the war in strength, Japan was losing planes and ships three times as fast as they could build them, and pilot training takes years.

Okay, the beat Russia in 1904, and hit PH, but they were suprise attacks, they struggled to hold both later. 

The first shot in the War in the Pacific was fired by the USA, but, you have to ask, what was a Japanese submarine doing sneaking around PH, hours before Japan declared war?

Alaska would have been an intersting battle, if Japan had invaded, Japanese are used to jungle fighting, not Arctic warfare.

The lines of supply you'd need to protect would have proved impossible, which is why most Empires fail. The Romans couldn't keep England, Hitler found Russia too hard, and the Britih Empire collapsed, all for one reason. They are too costly to run

Do I mean somrthing to you?

 Charming Talks

SoulmateMeets

I get many offers

I can't help thinking, do I mean something to my friend, Svitlana, or am I only another customer on a chat site to her?

She is making the right chat to entice me to stay on the site, to chat to her, though the time is limited by how much I can afford.

I have the disadvantage of being an introvert, meeting ladies is hard for me. I could be reading something into the situation, which is not there. Last night when I contacted her, her mind appeared pre-occupied, and her request for explicit sex photographs has me wondering does she wish to meet me?

We never had a honeynoon

 Scarborough

Happy Anniversary

Where would I choose?

Our plan fort the honeymoon was to treat my stepson to some trips during the first week of the holiday, then we would have the second week to ourselves in Scarborough.

However, things didn't go to plan. On the Monday after we were married, we took him to Bristol Zoo, the day started drizzly, but we hoped it would clear. By 1:00, it was clear the rain was not going to go, so we returned home to Easton.

I was soaked throgh, and sneezing, that night, I went down with pneumonia, and pleurisy. I was so bad the doctor wanted me to go to hospital, but my wife looked after me. 

When I was in the Royal Air Force, I was on a course with a young lady of 29, who was a widow. I thought how awful to be a widow so young. Years later, that was almost the case for my wife, as I was at death's door for two weeks.

Ruby Wedding Anniversary

 R.I.P. Linda

Harry Potter

Happy  Anniversary

This weekend showed have been a joyful time for me, it would have been our Ruby Wedding Anniversary, 40 years, we passed 40 years of being a couple last year, as we met 18 months before we got married.

However, it will be a sad day, it is the second wedding anniversary since my wife passed away in January, 2025.

I am reminded of some of the happier moments of her last years, such as seeing The Hairy Bikers in Bristol, going to the Harry Potter World in London, and seeing some fox cbs at play in our garden.

Happy Anniversary, love

Can you drain it?

A lump on my neck

 Lymph nodes

The reason for the towel behind me is there is a lump on my neck, I have had it for years, but this weekend it has been especially painful sending shooting pains as high as the top of my right eye, and down into my shoulder.

I did report it months ago, the result I got from the doctor was abbysmal, he told me less than I knew. All he did was book a blood test, and say it isn't cancer.

I can be tempted

Sex with a young lady

Profile Deletion

I am not above temptation, at times it is hard to resist the urge to agree to have sex with a young girl, many are after an older man, who can treat them with respect.

The real drawback, for me, is that while the girls are very attractive, they as the same age as my daughters.

Though, my meeting with Svitlana, in Didcot, looks as though it will happen, I am having doubts. She keeps asking for explicit sex photos, I have no worries about that, my concern is if she sees too many, she may not wish to meet me, as she has seen everything. I realise the opposite could also be true, and having seen it all, Svitlana could be desiring to see, and feel it for real.

We shared many photos, and my desire to meet her has grown with each photograph.

No way back

Openness can be arousing 

Honesty is the way forward

Is Clara in Bristol?

The lady I knew who "claimed" to live near me in Bristol, got back in touch, as I knew she would when she saw the link was open again, so much for being ill in hospital.

She still calls me "babe," and thinks I care for her, even though I told her a month ago, I have moved on, and found a lady who does live in the UK.

The reason I re-opened the link is on the remote possibility she repays the money I sent, her sister has the details, and she has a PayPal link.

I have no interest in meeting her, even if she does live within walking distance of me in Whitchurch

The hard edge

About me

 I'm usually kind

Honesty is the way forward

One lady I knew is finding it was wrong to annoy me, or keep telling me lies. She "claimed" to live in Bristol, though she never proved it. She recently had her sister contact me to say she is ill in hospital, this may be true, why should I care?

If her sister hadn't told me lies for several months, she would have had my sympathy, instead, all she got was the "cold shoulder" of disbelief.

I am known for being kind, and considerate, which is what got me in trouble with the lady who now owes me a lot of money.

In short, she crossed a line from which there is no return. I told her, I now have a lady friend who does live in the UK.